Boats not only have a pointy end, or bow, and a non-pointy end, or stern, but also at least two sides. Boats with more than one pointy end have sides between the two outside sides of the boat, but for the purposes of this discussion "side" will be used to mean only the outside sides and not the inside sides.

Also, we should note that the term "topside" is not really a side at all, but something else. Similarly, "shoreside" is not only not a side of the boat, but indeed not even a part of the boat at all. A true story illustrates the point: once a young man was informed that the chief bosun's mate was shoreside and spent all afternoon searching the side of the ship that was facing the shore to no avail. The mate wasn't there. It is not rewarding to search for something that isn't there, as those who searched Iraq for weapons of mass destruction found out. The mate was on the land or in nautical terms, ashore or shoreside.

The outside sides of boats have names corresponding to left and right. The right side of the boat is called starboard and the left side of the boat is called port. As a historical note, the port side used to be called "larboard". But, because of the tendency of skippers to scream hysterically, or to become inarticulate at the first hint of adversity (a nautical tradition that continues to this day), larboard was easily confused with starboard. Something had to change, so "larboard" became "port". While the change did not materially affect the histrionics, it did help to make the skippers' desires more clear.

Now if the sailor is looking toward the pointy end of the boat the starboard side will be to his right and the port side to his left. However if he happens to be watching the antics of the skipper on the non-pointy end of the boat, starboard will be to his left and port to his right. Herein lie the seeds of disaster, especially in the area of navigation and piloting. It is usually desireable to keep the boat moving in the proper direction, unless, of course you are on a sailboat, which rarely moves in the proper direction in any case.

One sometimes hears something like, "port…PORT…No, you #@&^#%&, your other port!" This seems to suggest a flaw in the communication process. If such a thing ever happens to you, just remember that the skipper is not asking you to bring him a glass of wine, however much he may be in desperate need of it. Nor is he asking you to take him to a seaport, however much you may desperately desire it.